I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to make out with him forever
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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