What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
