is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
