My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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