Someone shit on the floor
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
