she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
