does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
