the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They took my balls.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
