Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
