explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
