Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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