so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
