I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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