The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
