Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
