my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
