he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My vagina is very pro this idea
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
