sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
