I wish life had little blips of pornography
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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