I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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