So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
