I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
