I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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