The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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