The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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