You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
