then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
