Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
