I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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