Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
