Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
