You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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