It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
