I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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