I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
