I'm really into asian looking animals
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
