she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hippo gnu deer
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
