Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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