Your mouth is God's brothel.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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