How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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