I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
