NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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