Me. At least after what I've been through.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
