I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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