awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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