I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
