So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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