My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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