I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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