you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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