My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
