I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
