her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
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and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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