so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
