dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
