Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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