Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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