im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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