Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
