how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
