i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
