if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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