Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
