don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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