Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
