Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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