I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
