omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm passing your future prison.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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